The Honorable ________________
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator ____________,

As a native ____________ and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal
alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for
which you voted.  If my understanding of this bill's provisions is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five
years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process
started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have
been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about
the prospect of avoiding two years of the last five years taxes in
return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be
illegal retroactively?

This would yield an excellent return for me and my family because we
paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005 and I estimated a gross savings
approximating $72,000.  After the fine this would yield me a net savings
of $70,000.

In addition, I would reap the other benefits of being an illegal alien
such as free healthcare, avoidance of paying Social Security taxes,
buying automobile insurance, serving on jury panels, etc.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would
be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
__________________